Small wonder that when safer sex instructions imply that ejaculate is a toxic substance or dismiss it’s importance, men may become alienated from their own bodies – or simply learn to tune out these messages completely. To watch a man ejaculate is to see him naked and raw and unselfconscious to feel him ejaculate is to experience the power of what it means to be a sexually alive man. Its warmth and wetness, taste and fragrance captivate our senses. It is in some ways the essence of male erotic energy and power. Ejaculate is not some meaningless “bodily fluid ” it is a powerful, mystical substance. This misses the meaning of sex for many men. That’s treated as a small price to pay for avoiding infection. If ejaculate is discussed at all, it’s only in discussing ways to keep it out of your body. Little attention is paid to how important cum is to many men, for instance. Sadly, safer sex information often subtly trivializes gay sex. We want to be fully present during sex, and this may be one way to do it. While we usually think of our emotions as most at risk when we think of intimacy, the sense of putting our physical selves in the line of fire as well may be a craving that isn’t fully conscious. Intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability carries with it the possibility of being hurt. Other men are drawn to the fact that this is an ultimate act of faith in their partner, and act of trust and intimacy that puts everything on the line.Īll sex that involves opening the heart is risky to some extent. The excitement for them is similar to the rush some men experience from sex in public places. Others get excited knowing that they are doing something risky they are drawn to the break-the-rules aspect of the act. Some men are attracted to the sensations that are present when a condom isn’t.
Painting everyone with this brush is way too simplistic and misses the deeper meaning of sex for gay men. No doubt some men really are self- destructive they think so little of their own lives that using a condom seems pointless. They see barebackers as self-destructive. Some people are horrified at the idea of unprotected sex in a time when HIV is still very much a threat to our community’s health and well being. Rather, they are seeking skin-to-skin sex, no condoms involved, in what has come to be known as “barebacking.” Bad Boys aren’t Good Boys who “slip” and forget to use a rubber. Increasingly, though, many gay men are acknowledging that they get a kick out of being Bad Boys. Good Boys have taken the messages of safer sex to heart. When it comes to safer sex, “Good Boys” use a condom every time, just like we’ve been taught since the mid 1980’s. “Good boys” may seem more likely to end up in relationships, but the thrill of being “bad” is much more fun to many of us. Bad girls go everywhere!” Change the pronouns and you have a pretty fair statement of the way some of us feel about sex. A bumper sticker popular a few years ago claimed ‘Good girls go to heaven.